Trust Fall

I've never been any good at trust falls. And by not any good I mean I refuse to do them at all. I'm not afraid of heights but falling/ jumping from them is not even a possibility. I was the girl at summer camp crying on the top of the high ropes course. I was the one on class retreats who turned to their partner and said 'it's not that I don't trust you to catch me it's that I my body will not lean backward even if my brain tells it to.' Heck, I won't even do a piggy back ride and I freak out at diving boards that are less than a foot from the water. All to say, in the most long winded way possible, that I don't trust easily.

With our move this time I tried to play it differently. My mother-in-law has been saying since my job interview that she wasn't worried because everything always tends to work out for us. And as much as I could look back at our lives and know that was true, I envied her lack of anxiety. I knew God would provide, I knew His plans were better than anything I could organize and color coordinate, I could reason to that. But I couldn't trust that. So, instead of spending the last few months trying to force myself to jump off the diving board or trust a piggy back ride, I've been praying that God make me more willing to do these things and that He allows me the peace that comes with baby steps.

Tim finished his last finals week as of yesterday, and I swear every bone in my body sighed in relief. Tim is no longer a grad dad and that will come with many, many, transitions but right now we are taking it one joy at a time. Through the stress of a last semester of Graduate studies Tim applied for and got a job at a High School in the DC area. I am so incredibly proud of him and I can't wait for his students to love him almost as much as we do, in the meantime I'm praying for them. Of course, through all of this my mother-in-law was singing with a chorus of deserved "I told you so's" reminding us of the peace that comes with trust. It really will all work out, maybe not in the timeline that you had planned and maybe not in the way you had pictured but it will work, someone will catch you.

I had a professor in undergrad who turned to me point blank and asked, "Rylee, do you believe that God has a plan for your life?" If I answer yes to that question then I really need to start living like it. And as I stand around our half-packed home crying like the middle school girl on a high ropes course I am trying to listen to the voices around me cheering me on and telling me that it will all be okay, just jump, trust, and revel in the peace that comes with it. 20 days DC, we are coming for you, ready or not.